ARA Sniffed
Out in

Listen to the speech by Steve McNallen in REAL AUDIO!

On February 27, several persons at anAlternative Forum meeting were overcome by the extreme concentrations of unwashed bodies, marijuana fumes and discount patchouli oil that advertises the presence of barbarians scratching at the gate (and everything else) long before mindless, thuggish chanting confirms it. One gagging attendee described this cultural clash with the ARA as something between surviving a mustard gas attack and being maced: "at first I thought a sewer main had ruptured. I couldn't believe it -- I mean, you hear things, but the putrefying waves of noxious fumes were indescribable. Unless you've experienced that searing pain in your lungs, you couldn't possibly understand." As the dregs of downtown pushed into the lobby and on to the meeting room, retching people hastened to barricade the door against the nauseating stench as the undead advanced.

The appearance of the Metro Toronto Police Toxicity Task Force was welcome, but even they appeared to 'give up' confronted by the stopping power of mingled cat-spray, hibernation den, and tooth decay. Mercifully, none of our people actually required resuscitation, although one of the ARA canaille did come back to demand his/her/it's prescription eyeglasses -- and once he/she/it could make his/her/itself understood through the filtering bandana, the glasses were handed over with the greatest alacrity (the odour was especially overpowering when the door was open). This marks the most serious odor-related incident the Alternative Forum has faced since Vancouver's "Big Stink".

A subdued Paul Fromm said: "I don't know, maybe it's time to rethink our strategy. For years we have been trying to promote the idea of soap and water. Clearly, the message is not getting through."